How are your travels up and down the coast going?

Technically, I am not on the coast anymore. I have been hiding out in the desert for awhile but not one of those Lawrence of Arabia deserts. No sand, lot’s of sagebrush, coyotes, open space, sunshine, blue skies, wind storms. I’ve been od’ing on college basketball and roasted peppers somewhere between L.A. and Phoenix and I have to say America is a very, very strange place. Oddly addictive though. 

I know you and Loo met up along the way and somehow he got hit in the head with a hockey puck!  Can you please share the story…

Well you knew it was going to happen, right? It’s Loo. It was a game in San Jose between the Sharks and the Blackhawks. I read something on some poseurs blog about it so let me just cut and paste it: We were sitting in the first row behind the players bench  with an obscured view so we had to get suitably lubed…Next thing I know out of the corner of my eye comes a flying puck heading right towards us. Now there were 17,496 people at the game and only one got hit in the head with a puck. Any guesses who? No, not me. Despite my altered state I have been to enough pewee and junior B games over the years to know that you duck first and ask questions later. But Sweet Loo, well this was his first game.

The puck had been deflected up over the bench and came screaming down right on us. Loo saw it at the last second and managed to get his hand up to his coconut in time to take the brunt of the impact. But it still hurt. I picked the puck up and thought, wow, first time I got a puck at an NHL game. Stood up and waved it at the crowd, looking for my TV time, while medics rushed in. But next to Loo was some kid with his dad and the most longing look in his eyes. He was almost tearing up. I asked Loo if there was any blood and he said no. So I gave the puck to the kid. Really, I had no friggin’ choice because half the arena was watching us now on the Jumbotron.

Many people don’t know this but when you first joined the league you played with Santa Fe.  Why did you leave and tell us a little about playing with them…..

Ah jeez it was over 15 years ago, not sure I can remember much but I’ll give it a try…my first two years in HK I played with Santa Fe. We won two titles, the first titles Santa Fe won. I got bored and wanted a new challenge so I moved on. I figured they would struggle and I was right. I think they have only won 10 or 11 titles in the last 15 years since I left. Johnny So played short and I played second. I had a bit of falling out with the gentleman who was running the team and I started spending all my time after games drinking with Mac and Scott Bollinger and their team, next thing I knew I was ensnared. Santa Fe was basically a team of abstinence back then. Things clearly have changed a bit since.   

You have been in the league for a long time.  Go around the horn by position and give me the best players ever by position.  No politics, just the best players….

I’m not even remotely political, sir, so here is the friggin’ truth.  Catcher – Pohli. Seriously, He hit a ton and he took charge behind the dish. Very intense.  Pitcher – so many good ones, Ronnie Moss, Loo, Jim Harden, but I have to go with Hoover. Total package, awesome stick, great pitcher, great D. 1B, go with Mac. One of the few guys whose D at first could actually change a game. Imagine how good he could be if he was focused. 2B I am going to go with Mike Marbady, who doesn’t play there much but who has to be on the team somewhere. Pure talent. SS, again lot’s of guys who could be on it, Dirty, Hasbun, Yusa, but I have to go with Johnny So. Takes charge of the game and never makes a mistake. The best conduit between the infield and outfield I ever saw as well as a clutch stick. 3B Cody Cain, huge stick, great glove and great arm. Spent most of his time at short, but would have been a monster at third. OF, there are a number of guys but Mike Gleyze (circa 12 years ago) could do it all defensively. Pat Freiking, from way back when with Caltex and later Dominos, still has not made an error. Great range, great arm. I have to put Junior Harrison in here, on talent alone, but he is still a work in progress although he doesn’t know it. LF is a tie between Dan Deutsch and Scott Bollinger. Deustch is a bigger stick but Scotty had a powerful, accurate arm and was so fundamentally sound and really knew the game. He could also hit some. I would have Vinnie Z as my EH. I know I am bias but I also think Cleat Kimbrough is one the top ten defensive outfielders to ever play in HK softball.        

Now give me your All time HKSPSA “Bleacher Team”…..

Ronnie Moss is the captain, no doubt. And nobody has spent more time in the bleachers than Joe Duke. But there are a number of other stellar performers over the years including Flynnie, Mac, Compy, Senator Gleyze, Prebo, Meade, Junior, Phil “the” King, Hawley, Erik Turner, PK, JK, DY and even Alex Graf. Hoov and Loo, when they are in town. And of course T-Mac and his crew have their own wing in the all time bleacher section and over there in relicville are Coop and Talidan.   

How come the nickname “The Guinancologist” never stuck with Tim Guinan.  I think it’s a great nickname and certainly one I would be proud to have!

Well if you know Timmy you would know that a more appropriate name would be the proctologist. But on an alliterative scale it doesn’t quite cut it, does it? So we had to settle on Timmie the Pooh. I love the man.  

The player you most enjoy/enjoyed playing against…

Not really a player but a team. Always loved playing Santa Fe, but more importantly I loved beating them. It has absolutely nothing to do with once playing there either and despite the fact that they have won far more titles than us over the years, we still beat them fairly regularly. So much so that they felt compelled to steal Dean Croy from us a few years back. 

Your thoughts on Peter Comparelli…

You mean the editor of Prestige Magazine? I am very worried about him. He works way, way too damn hard and he knows it. But that’s his nature when it comes to the printed word. A lot of people in this league may not know it but Compy is the absolute best copy editor and check sub in the world. How many of us can we say we are the best at anything? His job over the years has been the last set of eyes to see the publication before it went to print. He did it for SporTView and I can tell you, there were no typos or grammar inaccuracies. Even in Chinese. But I want him to stop working 14 hours a day on that tai-tai rag and come down to Arizona with me every March and fulfill his destiny – watching baseball and drinking beer.    

ESSAY QUESTION:  Compare and contrast the following sex symbols- Marylin Monroe, Farrah Fawcett Majors and Madonna.  Please be sure your answer includes their respective impact on their generation as well as the seductive techniques used by each one.  Your answer should be 150 words or less and must be completed in 15 minutes.

Marilyn – transcendent, Farrah – hirsute, Madonna – evolving. I owe you 144 more words. So sue me. 

If a train leaves London at 3:00pm traveling at 220kph with a destination of Birmingham, which is 400 miles away, how long would it take you?

It would take a lifetime because I would never, ever go to Birmingham. The Midlands – yecch! Harsh place, crappy weather, crappy food, steel mines, crappy footy team. No thanks.  

Admit it, you were stumped because you didn’t know how to convert Kilometers to miles!!

Come on, I’m Canadian man. You American’s figure just because you’re ignorant that everybody else must be.  I know kilometers. I just don’t know meters.

There’s always been one thing about you I hate (actually there’s more but this one really sticks out!). Your favorite sports teams are as follows- Cleveland Browns, San Francisco Giants, and Chicago Blackhawks.  Do you see the problem here?  All three teams are from a different city!!  Yeah I know, there’s not a professional team where you grew up, but I’m calling bullshit!  You should’ve picked the closest city and stuck with it, that’s how it works!  Defend yourself…..

Talk about anti-semitic, this is all about me being Jewish isn’t it? Yes, it’s true I grew up in a kibbutz in Kochav Yair before being adopted by a Canadian couple in the Niagara region. I started watching TV and sports there and really loved this centerfielder for the Giants, number 24 named Oy Vey. It wasn’t until years later that I actually found out his name was Willie May, not Oy Vey. It was too late, I was a Giant fan for life.  In my small Ontario town all my classmates were Italians and they were openly hostile to me, for some reason. They were all Toronto Maple Leaf fans so I hated the Leafs and really liked this Jewish guy on the Hawks named Booby Ull. Most exciting hockey player ever.  It wasn’t until years later that I actually found out his name was Bobby Hull, not Booby Ull. And well, the Browns? Well, this guy number 32, Yimmy the Brown. He was mesmerizing. It wasn’t until years later that I actually found out his name was Jimmie Brown, not Yimmy the Brown.    

If you had to perpetually be stuck in one decade, the 60’s or 70’s, which one would you choose and why?

The 60’s because it was the last time the Browns or Blackhawks won a championship and despite rumors to the contrary, I was too young to remember either of them.

Favorite all time band?

Phew, all time? Ten years ago I would have said The Strawberry Alarm Clock or the Dead Milkmen, “EAT YOUR PAISLEY” was easily one of the best albums of the 80’s. But now I would probably have to go with U2, just on longevity and depth of recordings.

How many times have you and I blown up at each other during a game and could you please share some of the stories with the guys…..

You and I? Well me blowing up, never. But you? Damn dawg, you be the Mt. Vesuvio of HK softball. Of course ours, and yours, most memorable blow-up was basically your league coming out party – the “don’t f*7k with me” game. It was a playoff game, us versus Santa Fe, 4 p.m., heaving, fully lubed bleachers looking on. You wearing Santa Fe red. Howie Krotman was on first, you were in right center.  Base hit to right center, Howie starts running and in typical Howie style makes the turn at second and never looks up to see what third base coach wants him to do. You get the ball clean and throw Howie out because he should never have been going in first place and then you howl “don’t f&*k with me, don’t f&^k with me!” It was the third out and I was playing rightfield and came running out and howled back at you – “dude, you threw out a blind man, stop digging yourself.” And of course you got louder but then the bleachers picked it up and heckled you all day. And we won the game. Great day all around. And we’re both still boneheads.             

Roger Clemens- HGH using, lying bastard or “who cares, I’d take steroids as well to collect another $15M check”?

Lying bastard, always has been. The late Will McDonough of the Boston Globe used to call him the Texas Con Man and that was 23 years ago. Not much has changed. And I don’t care if he did HGH and steroids because it’s his liver, not mine. I just could never stomach the double standard that because Clemens was a flag waving patriot he got a bye. But Bonds was a flag waving asshole (and a black one at that) so he got crucified. To me, that’s America in a nutshell.    

Is Sportview this year’s sleeper team?

Sleeper? Yeah, well if you follow the less than peerless prognosticators in the chat room I guess we would be sleepers. They are always referring to how “old” we are. Really? Look at our outfield, Junior, Unertl, Cleat, Teeter, even Mossing, Cave Mann, Gimp and Winkle. They’re old? Even JK isn’t old, he just looks the part. Maybe Mac, Loo and myself are getting up there, but it’s not like we’re pinch running for anybody. Our core is still in their prime and last I looked Mac was MVP in Manila and Loo was top pitcher. Erik Turner will be back for the playoffs this year to help our depth as well.  We had a rough first half but we’ll be ok. We have a chance and that is all you can ask for. Brewhouse is the only team head and shoulders above everybody and hubris could easily be their downfall. You guys dig yourself a whole bunch.       

If tomorrow you had to leave Sportview and play with another team, which team would you choose and why?

Bulldogs would always be intriguing but do I really need to listen to Willet and Jimmy constantly ream their players out? I’d rather live in North Korea. I mean I spent the last 12 years playing with Rick Harrison and Mac, my ears have suffered enough, thank you. I always wanted to play for the Giants, and after watching them this spring in Arizona I might be able to make the team. But if I couldn’t play for the Giants and couldn’t play with SporTView, I would hang em’ up and start working on getting my handicap under 48.     

Can Obama win the general election?

I really didn’t think so when I got to the US in January. But I have seen a fair bit of this country over the last few months and I am shocked at how politicized the rank and file is in a country that routinely has a very low percentage of voter turn-out. It reminds me of Quebec somewhat, where they often get close to 80% out to vote and everybody is always talking politics. In coffee shops, restaurants, bars even spring training games, I overhear a lot of talk. A high turnout is good for Obama. If he can beat Hilary, and I am not sure the Clinton machine doesn’t still have a few tricks up their sleeves, he will take McCain. Nothing against McCain, but it’s time to go forward not backwards. The problem with the US is they don’t elect an American president, they elect a global president and most of the world is very tired of the red-states holding them hostage. If Obama wins Michigan, Pennsylvania and Ohio in November, it won’t matter how Nebraska and Kansas vote.    

When are you getting back??  Stay safe, we miss ya…….

Well I was a little disappointed by my showing at the recent NFL Combine and according to Mel Kiper my stock is falling slightly, I might not even get drafted until late in the first round. If that’s the case, then I may have to consider another career. So I could be back in Hong Kong at some point, who knows. One day you’ll look up and I’ll be there. It’s that simple. I miss you guys as well. Sort of.